Due Date

IMDb link

Some movies are so bad they become good because you can make fun of them. 

Some movies are so bad they piss you off for days.

I think it might be art if it does that.

And then some movies are just bad.

"Due Date," is just bad. 

I did not like any of the characters including the dog.

Robert Downey, Jr plays the most unlikable person I have seen in a movie. And I've seen a couple of Hugh Grant films. 

He spits on the dog, punches a little kid in the guts and endangers the life of Ethan, played by Zack Galifianikis.

I really take offense to the scene in which Peter (RD, Jr)

starts seeing tracers after inhaling second hand marijuana smoke.

~schm3cky~

Death Race

IMDb link

This is just about the funniest obviously made to be a video game movies ever.

It has parts that are indistinguishable from a one.

Ian Mcshane plays the race coach and at one point refers to, "The Tombstone," a detachable metal plate in the back of the car. Wait, he was in, "Deadwood," not, "Tombstone."

I was gonna' link to the game but all the sites have too much popup and slamming. I won't subject you to that.

    

~schm3cky~

A Twofer

Les visiteurs and Just Visiting

^     IMDb links      ^

These is one of those, 

"It was a great French movie so let's make a Hollywood version," 

types of movie. Movies. 

But with a twist.

Both movies star the same two actors.

The Professional and this guy.

This is also one of those time travel movies.

If you could take the best parts of each and combine them into one movie it would be real good.

They are both pretty funny on their own but you have to read the French one. 

In each movie they mention the title of the other one.

I give them an LG (Le Good).

 

 

 

 

 

   ~schm3cky~

2012

IMDb link

movie-wallpaper

That happens.  

                             This happens. 

 One a' these.

                           And one a' those.


If you want to see the world destroyed this is your movie. 
If you want to have fun and rip on a movie while you watch it, this is 

The Best.  

Example: Hi all you poor people whom we were going to leave behind to die but we just changed our minds and let you on the rescue ships, We cool now, right?


If you want to see a bunch of smart people figure out how to save the world, not so much.

I give it a WW3D (Why Wasn't this in 3D)?
It was? Oh. 
That would have been cool.





   ~schm3cky~

Couples Retreat

IMDb link

This movie needs a therapist. 

I'm pretty sure it has Bi-polar disorder.  

It starts real slow. 

Just when you're ready to give up they make it to the island. 

It gets funny. 

Then not so much.

My girlfriend says it seems like a movie Ken Jeong would be in.

We had to pause for laughing when he showed up as 

Therapist #2. 

Ever since, "Swingers" I have been giving these two guys

(Vince Vaughn and Steve Favreau) 

a shot and regretting it.

We saw all the good jokes in the previews. 

Other than that here are the highlights.

I give it an NEN (Not Enough Nudity).
 

   ~schm3cky~

Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi

IMDb link

 

Episode VI? 

Isn't this the third movie? 

I'm pretty sure there was only two before this.

WTF? 

Is that a muppet? Sounds like, 

 Miss Piggy? 

 

It is Miss Piggy! I think Luke went over to the Fraggle side.

 

Into a backpack get turned hope I do not. 

D'oh! I sure did!

I think I'd rather watch something, something, something else.

 

I can watch this again and again.       

I really like  

H. Jon Benjamin the voice of Yoda. He just sounds funny. 

I am not Yoda... OK I'm Yoda.              (onemetal.com)

I give it a, wait what am I reviewing?

   ~schm3cky~

Watchmen

IMDb link

Makes Sense When You See the Movie

I liked this movie better than the book. 

Because I haven't read the book.

The opening credits are the best I have seen. Behind the words you get a history of the heroes. I especially liked the Woman (Silhoette) grabbing a nurse and kissing her on VJ Day. They go on to have a relationship but unfortunately are killed off seconds later.  :(  

This is a super hero movie for grown-ups. No silliness. 

At 162 minutes I think they could have trimmed a little more but I was not bored.

And not your usual happy ending.

I give it a WW3 (Where Went 3hrs?).

   ~schm3cky~

Master and Commander:
The Far Side of the World

IMDb link

I got it here

filmforthesoul

I liked this a lot. Buckles all swashed. Scurvy dogs hoisted to yardarms.

Planks walked, keels hauled and scabbards unsheathed.

And kids got to boss grownups around. How cool is that?

I am not a big Russell Crowe fan.

Although I did  like "The Insider" and "Gladiator".

And "A Beautiful Mind" was real good.

"Proof of Life"  didn't suck.

Aw crap!
   ~schm3cky~

Batman: Gotham Knight

IMDb link

Coolest Logo Ever

Batman is a living shadow.

Nope, He is a giant flying bat.

No, He's a freakin' robot!

Or is he human?

He is all those things in this six episode version/vision of The Batman.

It's dark and cool and makes you drool.

In one episode Batman has bullet proofness but at what cost?

The opening episode is a "different sides of the (almost) same story" that has you wondering if you really know Batman.

I give it a PCC (Pretty Cool for a Cartoon).


  







~schm3cky~

Frailty

IMDb link

"Only demons should fear me. You're not a demon are you?"

Bill Paxton

I was just hating this. Those poor kids.
Dad has lost his Vulcan mind.
Woke them both up and told them God came to him and told him he is to start destroying demons. 
And their gonna' help.
And so follows a tale a mental anguish as told by one of the kids.
I wanted one of them to kill their dad so much.
Ok, That was easy. (Should have wished for money)
And then the ending.
Woh! Cool!
I did not see that coming.
I love a good ending that makes the movie and this was one.
I give it an EM and EM (End Makes Excellent Movie).
   ~schm3cky~

The Men Who Stare at Goats

IMDb link

Warning! 

When George Clooney starts to stare at the goat, cover your goats eyes.

He shouldn't otta' see what's gonna' happen to that there goat.

I love it when Irish, Scotish, Wales-ish, English, Austrailish or New Zealish folks use an American accent. 

Almost as good as an American using an English, etc accent.

I enjoyed this movie.

My favorite line sums up American foreign policy.

"We're Americans!, we're here to help you."

And then they run the guy over.

I give it an NFG (Not For Goats).
   ~schm3cky~

Titanic

IMDb link

This movie won eleven Oscars. 
They created two new ones (Bestest Movie Ever and Best Director of an Awesome Epic) 'cause they liked it so much. 

I loved this movie, 
for about five minutes when the boat was sinking. 

Desktopnexus

That was cool.

Villain "THE BERG"

If Cameron made this movie today it would be in 3D (= story sucks).

Oh yeah, Kate Winslet naked for a second was nice. I like her bod.
But I'm not going in the water.
Rose: "I will never let go."

"OK, I'll let go."

YouTube

I give it a TB (Titanic Bore). 
   ~schm3cky~

Forrest Gump

IMDb link

nidhin.com

This movie won The Oscar for Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Director, Best Film Editing and Best Writing (Screenplay Based on Material from Another Medium).
Nominated for seven others.
Won the prestigious Amanda Award (Norway) for Best Foreign Feature Film (Årets utenlandske spillefilm) and many other awards.
"Life is like a box of...
ANYTHING IN A BOX!
Man I hate this movie.

ME TOO!

Although I do admire Gary Sinise for having the commitment to have his legs amputated for the part.

He had them reattached after filming was completed.
"They help me walk better.", he was overheard saying.
 I give it an ITS (Is This a Spielberg?)
   ~schm3cky~

Hot Tub Time Machine
IMDb link

"It must be some kind of hot tub time machine... "

Craig Robinson

Ah! He said it! 
Finally someone uses a time machine to make mo' money.
Not for the timid.  Some of the jokes are hilarious but made me squirm. (I accidentally typed saquirm and cracked myself up when I said it out loud) (oh no, I just typed load, I'm not making this up. I better stop now.)
Like someone you shouldn't stare at being so funny you can't stop laughing at them.
Very funny and I really liked the end.
Is Chevy getting a little better?
I give it an ATM (Awesome Time Machine)
{It's a freakin' hot tub, Chuck!}
   ~schm3cky~

The Happening
IMDb link

entertainmentwallpaper.com

I really liked Sixth Sense.
I was right there and surprised at the right time.
Then two strikes, The Village and Lady In The Water.
Here comes the pitch.
Crack! It's going...
going...
it hit the wall but the outfield can't seem to grab it...
and...at the plate...he's...
Safe!
Inside the park homerun!
I rate it an LTL (Loved The Lastline).
Ok M. Night,  you can have your writing utensils back.
   ~schm3cky~

Lady In The Water
IMDb link

allmoviephoto.com

Yo! M. Night!
Step away from the screenplay.
Hands where we can see 'em!
On the ground! On the ground!
Left hand behind your back!
Now right hand.
 

You got any pencils or pens in your pockets?
I'm not gettin' any ink on my hands am I?
Crayons? Pins or needles that you can prick yourself with
and then write another convoluted "legend" in your very lifeblood which you have enriched with the souls of sacrificed kittens?
I give this an RSS (Remember Sixth Sense?)
That was good.
   ~schm3cky~

The Village
IMDb link

allposters.com

This is one of them twisty endy 
M. Night Shamallamadingdong movies.
Shut up! You know you say it.
These people live a simple life in a village in olden days of yor.
Or do they? 
They have some kind of secret.
They made a deal with someone to somehow create a Utopia
where they can all live together as a happy cohesive community based on love and respect...
 

And no black folk.
Seriously, I though the twist was gonna' be, 
they're a bunch of racists.
I give it a WBA (Where the Brothers At?).
   ~schm3cky~

Grindhouse: Death Proof

IMDb link

horromovies.com

Cool car. What's he gonna' do? Oh  Sheezy! Woh, That's wicked!
Next victims...
This should be good...
Here it comes...
Any minute now...
...
I think I'll run to the bathroom.
Sorry it took me so long, there was a line.
I know, to the men's room. Can  you believe it? Did I miss anything? No? They're still talkin'? Wait, is that Kate Hudson? No?
OK, there we go.
Those chicks are sick. And not in a good way.
I give it a CBS. (Could Be ['bout a half hour] Shorter)
   ~schm3cky~

Grindhouse: Planet Terror

IMDb link

posterwire.com

Very cool. 
I love the missing reel and burn outs on the film.
A rollicking romp  through a tender field of zombies.
I give it a FML (Freakin' Machine-gun Leg!)
   ~schm3cky~

Gulliver's Travels 

IMDb link

scathing review at bernews.com

It took off a little slow, got better, had some good funny, lost an engine, a hole ripped in the side of the plane, nosedive, sound of impact, no survivors. 

Jables! Tenacious D needs you back!

not for kids

 

moviewallpapers.net

  I rate it a WHY (Why?) 

   ~schm3cky~