Thursday, May 19, 2011

 This is a pretty good vampire movie. 
Wait is this a cowboy movie? 
Two guys facing off on top of a speeding train? 
Never seen that before.

Hmmm, if you replaced the motorcycles with horses it would be a freakin' cowboy movie.  
It seems like they keep making half a good movie these days. 
I think maybe they run out of time or lose a writer and things go all bad. 
I did like the vampires with no eyes.
I give it an ICBM (I Can't Believe this Movie.)

A better vampire movie                                         


 A better cowboy movie


Thursday, May 5, 2011


I saw this movie with my 14 year old son. 
As we were getting the tickets I asked him loudly if he realized this wasn't a Hanna Montana movie.
Not really but I was gonna'. I just forgot.
We have a funny way of picking the movie that 
no one else wants to see. 
It's great, we had the whole theater to ourselves. 
This was 1/3 of a good movie. 
It could have been so much better though.
Stand out performance by Jessica Barden as Sophie.
She has the best lines. My favorite went something like, 
"I could be a lesbian. 
But not the fat kind. 
And we would only hold hands. 
And I would probably marry a boy."

I give it a TTT. (Thirty Three and a Third)

submit to reddit

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

She likes the book
I can finally say that I have seen this movie.
Where do I start? How about, 4 Hours!? 
Four freakin' hours! It ain't fittin'!
First Women Who

 That's what she said. And by "She" I mean Mammy. 
(Hattie McDaniel who won an Oscar for her role)
I had to watch it in two sittings. Editing anyone? I could cut this down to an hour easily. 
I now better understand a few Bugs Bunny episodes.
This movie came out in 1940 so I guess it's hard to judge on today's standards but I did not care for it. I'm pretty sure it's a chick flick.
Although Scarlett does bust a cap in a Yankee's ass. 
(Actually in his face) 
Then she and her friend hide the body. 
So that does kinda' make her kick-ass.
I give it an IDDY. (I Doubledog Dare You)



Monday, April 25, 2011

OMG! Look at that thing!

"The Tingler" is one of those Vincent Price movies where you have to suspend your disbelief real hard and just enjoy it. 
It's also one of those movie that's real fun to make fun of.  
When it first came out it was shocking for its use of color for a brief scene in which a woman in a bathroom turns on the faucet and out comes bright red BLOOD! 
And then she turns to find the bathtub full off BLOOD!  
And rising out of the BLOOD filled tub is an arm covered in BLOOD! 

It's RED!

I give this movie an MR. (Man that's Red)


Thursday, April 14, 2011


 A movie about candy? Nooo.
It's The Matrix.
I recall seeing this movie on TV when I was a kid. 
All I remember is a scene where an airplane starts falling from the sky.
What I didn't remember was Tom Poston as the first Neo. 

Bullet Time at :37
Unless you and a clever friend or two are crackin' wise all through this movie, it is unwatchable as an adult. 
I give it a MST3K. 
You know what I mean.



Friday, April 8, 2011


One word, 
These guys must have had complete control over this movie. They come across looking like Angels. 
And the actors that played them? Let's check, ok it was
Armand Hammer and Armie Hammer
who played the the twins. 

What? That's one guy? 
Wow, great special effects.
Actually, there was another actor who played one Winklevoss,

Josh Pence ,
and then they put Armie's face over his.
I liked this movie a lot more than I thought I would but now I don't trust programmers.
I give it a BTF. (Better Than Farmville)


Thursday, April 7, 2011

Did not watch it. 
I put the DVD in and got ready to watch with my girlfriend. 
The music that played over and over gave me brain rot and I had to stop. 
Spent the evening with Conan on the DVR.
I give Babies a G6. (Ga ga goo goo ga ga)


Monday, April 4, 2011


 This movie is Awfsome!
(So awful it's awesome)
And just keeps getting more so. 
How can you go wrong with, Tiffany, Debbie Gibson, Giant Pythons, Giant Alligators and Tiffany's Cleavage. 
Add a little A. Martinez and you have a great big bowl of 
SyFy Foo Fun. 
You just know from the beginning there is gonna' be a cat fight and the movie does not disappoint. You get to see London and France (Wink) as they grapple with each other and some food. 
Tiffany's cleavage really should have gotten a screen credit as the lead character. 
I give it an LMR. (Let Me Rewind)


Friday, March 25, 2011

Some movies are so bad they become good because you can make fun of them. 
Some movies are so bad they piss you off for days.
I think it might be art if it does that.
And then some movies are just bad.
"Due Date," is just bad. 
I did not like any of the characters including the dog.
Robert Downey, Jr plays the most unlikable person I have seen in a movie. And I've seen a couple of Hugh Grant films. 
He spits on the dog, punches a little kid in the guts and endangers the life of Ethan, played by Zack Galifianikis.
I really take offense to the scene in which Peter (RD, Jr)
starts seeing tracers after inhaling second hand marijuana smoke.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

This is just about the funniest obviously made to be a video game movies ever.
It has parts that are indistinguishable from a one.
Ian Mcshane plays the race coach and at one point refers to, "The Tombstone," a detachable metal plate in the back of the car. Wait, he was in, "Deadwood," not, "Tombstone."
I was gonna' link to the game but all the sites have too much popup and slamming. I won't subject you to that.



Monday, March 7, 2011

A Twofer

Les visiteurs and Just Visiting

^     IMDb links      ^

These is one of those, 

"It was a great French movie so let's make a Hollywood version," 

types of movie. Movies. 

But with a twist.

Both movies star the same two actors.

The Professional and this guy.

This is also one of those time travel movies.

If you could take the best parts of each and combine them into one movie it would be real good.

They are both pretty funny on their own but you have to read the French one. 

In each movie they mention the title of the other one.

I give them an LG (Le Good).







That happens.  

                             This happens. 

 One a' these.

                           And one a' those.

If you want to see the world destroyed this is your movie. 
If you want to have fun and rip on a movie while you watch it, this is 
The Best.  
Example: Hi all you poor people whom we were going to leave behind to die but we just changed our minds and let you on the rescue ships, We cool now, right?

If you want to see a bunch of smart people figure out how to save the world, not so much.

I give it a WW3D (Why Wasn't this in 3D)?
It was? Oh. 
That would have been cool.


Saturday, February 26, 2011

This movie needs a therapist. 
I'm pretty sure it has Bi-polar disorder.  
It starts real slow. 
Just when you're ready to give up they make it to the island. 
It gets funny. 
Then not so much.
My girlfriend says it seems like a movie Ken Jeong would be in.
We had to pause for laughing when he showed up as 
Therapist #2. 

Ever since, "Swingers" I have been giving these two guys
(Vince Vaughn and Steve Favreau) 
a shot and regretting it.

We saw all the good jokes in the previews. 

Other than that here are the highlights.

I give it an NEN (Not Enough Nudity).


Thursday, February 17, 2011

Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi

IMDb link


Episode VI? 

Isn't this the third movie? 

I'm pretty sure there was only two before this.


Is that a muppet? Sounds like, 

 Miss Piggy? 


It is Miss Piggy! I think Luke went over to the Fraggle side.

Into a backpack get turned hope I do not. 
D'oh! I sure did!

I think I'd rather watch something, something, something else.


I can watch this again and again.       

I really like  

H. Jon Benjamin the voice of Yoda. He just sounds funny. 

I am not Yoda... OK I'm Yoda.              (

I give it a, wait what am I reviewing?


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Makes Sense When You See the Movie

I liked this movie better than the book. 
Because I haven't read the book.
The opening credits are the best I have seen. Behind the words you get a history of the heroes. I especially liked the Woman (Silhoette) grabbing a nurse and kissing her on VJ Day. They go on to have a relationship but unfortunately are killed off seconds later.  :(  

This is a super hero movie for grown-ups. No silliness. 
At 162 minutes I think they could have trimmed a little more but I was not bored.
And not your usual happy ending.
I give it a WW3 (Where Went 3hrs?).

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Master and Commander:
The Far Side of the World
I got it here


I liked this a lot. Buckles all swashed. Scurvy dogs hoisted to yardarms.
Planks walked, keels hauled and scabbards unsheathed.
And kids got to boss grownups around. How cool is that?
I am not a big Russell Crowe fan.
Although I did  like "The Insider" and "Gladiator".
And "A Beautiful Mind" was real good.
"Proof of Life"  didn't suck.
Aw crap!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Coolest Logo Ever
Batman is a living shadow.
Nope, He is a giant flying bat.
No, He's a freakin' robot!
Or is he human?
He is all those things in this six episode version/vision of The Batman.
It's dark and cool and makes you drool.
In one episode Batman has bullet proofness but at what cost?
The opening episode is a "different sides of the (almost) same story" that has you wondering if you really know Batman.
I give it a PCC (Pretty Cool for a Cartoon).



Tuesday, February 8, 2011


"Only demons should fear me. You're not a demon are you?"
Bill Paxton
I was just hating this. Those poor kids.
Dad has lost his Vulcan mind.
Woke them both up and told them God came to him and told him he is to start destroying demons. 
And their gonna' help.
And so follows a tale a mental anguish as told by one of the kids.
I wanted one of them to kill their dad so much.
Ok, That was easy. (Should have wished for money)
And then the ending.
Woh! Cool!
I did not see that coming.
I love a good ending that makes the movie and this was one.
I give it an EM and EM (End Makes Excellent Movie).

Monday, February 7, 2011

The Men Who Stare at Goats

When George Clooney starts to stare at the goat, cover your goats eyes.
He shouldn't otta' see what's gonna' happen to that there goat.
I love it when Irish, Scotish, Wales-ish, English, Austrailish or New Zealish folks use an American accent. 
Almost as good as an American using an English, etc accent.
I enjoyed this movie.
My favorite line sums up American foreign policy.
"We're Americans!, we're here to help you."
And then they run the guy over.
I give it an NFG (Not For Goats).

Sunday, February 6, 2011


This movie won eleven Oscars. 
They created two new ones (Bestest Movie Ever and Best Director of an Awesome Epic) 'cause they liked it so much. 
I loved this movie, 
for about five minutes when the boat was sinking. 

That was cool.
Villain "THE BERG"

If Cameron made this movie today it would be in 3D (= story sucks).
Oh yeah, Kate Winslet naked for a second was nice. I like her bod.
But I'm not going in the water.
Rose: "I will never let go."
"OK, I'll let go."

I give it a TB (Titanic Bore). 

Friday, February 4, 2011

This movie won The Oscar for Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Director, Best Film Editing and Best Writing (Screenplay Based on Material from Another Medium).
Nominated for seven others.
Won the prestigious Amanda Award (Norway) for Best Foreign Feature Film (Ã…rets utenlandske spillefilm) and many other awards.
"Life is like a box of...
Man I hate this movie.


Although I do admire Gary Sinise for having the commitment to have his legs amputated for the part.

He had them reattached after filming was completed.
"They help me walk better.", he was overheard saying.
 I give it an ITS (Is This a Spielberg?)
Hot Tub Time Machine
IMDb link

"It must be some kind of hot tub time machine... "
Craig Robinson

Ah! He said it! 
Finally someone uses a time machine to make mo' money.
Not for the timid.  Some of the jokes are hilarious but made me squirm. (I accidentally typed saquirm and cracked myself up when I said it out loud) (oh no, I just typed load, I'm not making this up. I better stop now.)
Like someone you shouldn't stare at being so funny you can't stop laughing at them.
Very funny and I really liked the end.
Is Chevy getting a little better?
I give it an ATM (Awesome Time Machine)
{It's a freakin' hot tub, Chuck!}


Thursday, February 3, 2011

The Happening
IMDb link

I really liked Sixth Sense.
I was right there and surprised at the right time.
Then two strikes, The Village and Lady In The Water.
Here comes the pitch.
Crack! It's going...
it hit the wall but the outfield can't seem to grab it... the plate...he's...
Inside the park homerun!
I rate it an LTL (Loved The Lastline).

Ok M. Night,  you can have your writing utensils back.
Lady In The Water
IMDb link

Yo! M. Night!
Step away from the screenplay.
Hands where we can see 'em!
On the ground! On the ground!
Left hand behind your back!
Now right hand.

You got any pencils or pens in your pockets?
I'm not gettin' any ink on my hands am I?
Crayons? Pins or needles that you can prick yourself with
and then write another convoluted "legend" in your very lifeblood which you have enriched with the souls of sacrificed kittens?
I give this an RSS (Remember Sixth Sense?)
That was good.

The Village
IMDb link

This is one of them twisty endy 
M. Night Shamallamadingdong movies.
Shut up! You know you say it.
These people live a simple life in a village in olden days of yor.
Or do they? 

They have some kind of secret.
They made a deal with someone to somehow create a Utopia
where they can all live together as a happy cohesive community based on love and respect...

And no black folk.
Seriously, I though the twist was gonna' be, 
they're a bunch of racists.
I give it a WBA (Where the Brothers At?)